Prisoner Without A Mouth

 

I must say,

I’m perplexed

Of myself

Of the situation

I think to myself

“What’s going on?“

Because there’s a lot going on

And everyone has their own version

Of truth and of belief

That they know the right way to live

And it’s me again,

Talking to the walls

And they think to themselves

“It’s us again, talking to the wall“

Nobody is listening to anybody

Nobody is speaking

Everyone is just thinking

And silently hurting

I hate this

I hate them

I hate you all

But why am I aching?

Why do I feel broken?

Like something in me is cracked

Like something is going to snap

I almost had a panic attack

Walking up the stairs

Going out of the house

Slamming my doors

Hoping you won’t ever see me

Weak, again

Because you cried once

I want to make you cry again

Because you’ve made me cry too

Because you weren’t there

When I cried for you

Because of you

I am mad

I thought you were my saviour

Apparently my biggest enemy

Talk!

I only wanted you to talk to me!

Is it so hard?

Why is it?

Because you’re a man?

You’re not allowed to feel?

Oh, I know I made you feel!

That’s why you’re silent now.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Endlessly…

I hate you

But I used to love you

I won’t let you live in peace

Before you’ll talk to me

Say you’re sorry

Because I have to carry myself

Alone in this world

With my pains

Because of you

You couldn’t have done it differently

And I hate you

But I don’t quite sure why I’m hating you

I guess because we’re similar

And I feel what you feel towards me

You’re growing to hate me

So I do the same as you, too

Role model,

In being a prisoner without a mouth

Oh, now I know why I hate you

You never allowed me to say “no“

So I let those men ruin me

And when you cried because of my story

I didn’t believe every single tear you shed

It’s too late

You’re unready for us

You got away with it once

But not anymore

Never, anymore

I will get away from you

I won’t make you feel like I need you

I’m done hurting you

Stop loving

Me.