Am I a good person?

I can’t believe why I still question whether I’m a good person or not. Am I? Am I not? And if I’m not, does that mean I’m a bad person? Why did the world even decide to categorize things in such black and white way at the first place? Why does somebody have to make that judgement for themselves inside if what they’re doing is good or bad? Why do kids learn that some things are not to be done and some other things must be done? Why not let them decide what they think is best for themselves? Is it because they’re kids? Do you think kids can‘t judge for themselves? Do you think they’re mindless? Or less mindful than adults? How so? Kids are the purest beings. Why penetrate their brains with that black and white of this world? Why does religion tell you to do good and not do what it thinks as bad? Why not just believe in the goodness of humans? We all want to do well in life, with our own ways. Why do we even need those rules of politeness? Or of how to treat other people? Why do we even need adjectives? What is beauty? Why do some people, including me, feel that they’re ugly? What’s the standard to beauty? If nobody can really say what the standard is, why does somebody still feel ugly? Why are we so quick to judge whether it’s to ourselves or to others? Why do you think the sky is gray? Because it’s gonna rain or because it’s gonna soon clear up and turn blue? Or because you wish there were rainbows? Why do you think the birds fly? Because they’re fleeing away from predators? Because they have somewhere to go? Because they lost their homes? Or because they simply wanna look around and scavenge for food? Is it bad to fly? Is it bad for the sky to turn gray? Is it bad as a human to live? To eat, to go away, to turn gray, to feel blue, to complain about life, is it bad to exist like the birds and the sky? Why do we see our kind differently than how we see the birds? Why do we only see beauty in a green landscape on a mountainous area with a snow? Why do we only see a beauty in the water of the ocean, on a beach somewhere with some tropical breeze? Why do we only see beauty on some appetizingly-made food on our plates? So pretty that you won‘t eat it yet without taking pictures of it. Why do we have to go away, have to travel far away to feel like we’re alive, like we’re cool, like we’re something? What’s up with where we are now? What’s up with the people we’re with now? Are they not enough? Am I not enough? Are you not enough for yourself? Are you not good enough? Am I not good enough? 

On and on the questions go through my head, there is no stopping them. And if you happen to be as clueless as I am when it comes to answering these questions, I guess we should all just agree that that first question doesn’t even (have to) exist. Whether you (think you) are bad or good, doesn’t matter to anyone but to yourself in the first place. Whether you think you’re a bad child for your parents, your parents still love you, if you think they don’t, somebody else still will love you. Somebody just as good or as bad as you. But most importantly, you are neither good nor bad. You are you and you should stay being you. You are the most perfect version of what a perfect person should look like for yourself. Embrace it because we all deserve the peace when thinking about who we are. 

You don’t have to be big to be meaningful. You don’t have to stay small to be humble. You don’t have to be muscular to be strong. You don’t need to be thin to fit the standard. You don’t only need to eat when you’re hungry. You don’t only need to drink when you’re thirsty. Feel the freedom in your own skin. Everyone is good in their own way, if you prefer the use adjectives. But if anything, prefer to be good to yourself, however your definition of good might be.