Cursed Heart

 

It’s rare for me to land here

A state where I’m too stunned to speak

Too stunned to even let a word fall out

My mouth is shut

But I have a lot to say

But at the same time, nothing to say

A lot to feel

But I don’t know what I feel

Besides that I’m scared

Like a piece of me is being ripped away

Far, far away from my soul

And I’m trying to keep it stick with me

But it’s pulling slowly away from me

That piece is so big though

I’m afraid I’ll lose myself too

I’m sitting here

Watching my soul darkens

As the light is slowly fading away

As the sun leaves the earth too early

The moon isn’t ready to show itself up

The emptiness of the space

Where my sadness fills in me

Each day, each time

I get reminded of you

And parts of you

And I feel my heart aching

But I try not to feel it

But I just can’t hide it

Like I was cursed with something

So incurable, I will never make it

Never longer than four

Never longer than five

Though I desperately want to 

My steps are getting heavier

My heart seems to stop beating

Each time I think about it

My body doesn’t feel anything

But I tremble harder and harder

And I’m grasping for air

But I’m underwater

And suddenly I can’t swim

Something is pulling me

Down to the ground of the ocean

And my arms try to lift me up

But I fail as it only gets heavier

The more I try to fight it

But giving up isn’t a choice too

Because then I’ll be defeated

And I will lose you

And lose myself too

And I don’t want to

I still got a javelin through my chest

And you still got a face

That feels like home

It gets harder for me to think

It gets harder for me to get through

To me, it feels like I didn’t deserve it

The happiness that I’ve been feeling

Like a force of the universe saying

“No, it’s enough“

But I never wanna have enough

I never want to stop fighting

If it’s you that I’m fighting for

Because you showed me

That another realm of love exists

One that’s kind and forgiving

One that comforts and is comforting

One that fulfils and is fulfilling

And without you I wouldn’t have seen it

So if it’s you on the line

I’m never gonna stop trying

To live, to laugh, to love

No matter how hard it’ll be

I’m not moving

And not even a curse

Can tell us apart