Suffocating Humiliation

 (I don't deserve this)

I was brought up and down

Like the tides of the ocean

From yous, the owners of my heart

I used to know how to swim

Now I had to relearn to even breathe

Because you didn’t let me

You didn’t even let me go out

Of this beautiful blue water

My eyes are puking

You didn’t even care about me

Nor my feelings

While I cared about yours

Too much

You just let me die alone

On the bottom of the ocean

You stepped on me

Using my body to reach oxygen

While I’m suffocating

I’m hurt

I’m fucking hurt

I was only trying to be honest

I was only speaking from my heart

But you paid me with this shit

I didn’t deserve this

At all

You threw me even deeper

Than this ocean could even be

I only tried to get out of it

Save you, save me too

But you tortured me

Like I don’t deserve a life

At all

At all

You lied to my face

You threw shame on me

Over and over again

So I’ll feel your pain

As if I hadn’t already yet

How nice of you to do so

I learned your bad sides

Which made my decision right

My stomach already said no

From our first kiss

Our first night together

The night you lied to me

The night you didn’t fucking enjoy

But lied to me as if you did

And I lied to myself inside too

It wasn’t good for us

We’re not good for us

You’re absolutely no good for me

Less than a month

I figured you out

With your shits

Calling me a bitch

An asshole

As if you weren’t also those things

I’m patiently waiting for my death sentence

Fighting to get air in my lungs

While you laugh at my suffering

And still blame me

For looking for comfort

In my sore body, my sore heart

How ruthless can a human be

A part of me is dead inside of me

You killed me

In three days of tortures

Those songs you picked

To let my ears bleed for hours

And still expect me to smile?

Are you crazy?

Are you out of your mind?

I’m aching inside of me

I’m aching for myself

You literally buried me under the ground

You brought me lower than anything

I coughed blood

I didn’t tell you

I don’t wanna be weak in front of you

I’m already weak enough in front of me

Until an angel saved me through the nights

Until an angel hugged me till my pains are gone

Until an angel ran with me side by side

Until an angel made me see what love is

Through a cup of tea in the morning

Until an angel made me see

What an angel really looks like

And it’s definitely not you

It’s not in you

I love that angel

And I just wanted to live with my heart

On the right place

Near that angel

And stay there

And let you know where my heart fell

It’s where that angel fell from the sky

It’s with her

Not with you

That’s all I wanted

I didn’t deserve this torture

I didn’t deserve this humiliation 

I was strong enough not to kill myself

On the way to heaven

While you’re killing me in silence with your silence

And your passively aggressive attitude

I’m hurt

I’m hurt by you

But I’m saved by an angel

I was in the bottom of the ocean

Learning to swim again

Learning to breathe again

But I learned how to fly instead

And I learned what a demon looks like

It looks like you

Exactly like you