The Millsery

 

I don’t know where to start honestly

I just currently feel miserable

Although you feel like a dream come true

You happened to me like magic

And I know it all lies within you

And I know it has only been a week

But it seems like as if I could already

See forever with you

This misery might not even make sense

But have you ever felt so right

Being with somebody new

Somebody that makes you feel brand new?

Like all the happiness in the world
Was solely made for you?

Like that made you start thinking

All I wanted was you?

How a week that was supposed to let you grief

Was the week that made you think

“I might finally be able to live“?

Longer, happier, better, ever after

Have you ever found that somebody for you?

Because I did

And she is not the misery

It’s me

And my inabilities

That make me feel like I don’t deserve you

But at the same time I don’t deserve

Anyone else but you

It’s confusing, I know

It’s also bringing me low

I swear I was the happiest a human can be

As far as I am one

Like I finally had the sense of self

Better than when I was twelve

That made me want to achieve things

That made me want to get better

She is, to me, my game-changer

Never have I smiled so wide

So long and so naturally before

That I feel it too inside my core

If that wasn’t with her

But you’ll probably ask me

Where’s the misery?

It all sounds good?

Like I said, it is within me

That I failed to restrain myself on my dreams

And expectations and all those shits

That I pictured her so perfectly

That when she doesn’t fulfil

I’m starting again to go downhill

But it’s not her, it’s really just me

Because she’s everything a dream can be

And I’m everything what a nightmare could be

That lack of control over feelings

Over emotions, over devotions

But that’s probably what makes me me

I fall hard in and hard out of love

I go down and again up above

Too soon, too fast

Hoping that everything would last

Hurting here and there due to my past

But still I try again and again

Like expecting the sun when it rains

But the sun never comes

Until I see you appreciating my gain

Because even though I might’ve been crazy

With all my words and how I’m always so silly

Kamu selalu ada di hati

And I don’t lie that I’m in misery

But that is only when you’re not with me