The Mess

 

This time I’m standing alone by the window

Same setting, same set, alone again

This time I feel lonelier than before

I wished the whole day that I was in my room

All locked up inside my brain

That I might see something else

Not just this lonely space alone

But even the stars weren’t there as I looked up

Even the sounds were dimmed by my deafness

To the world and its mess

I wish I could blame the world for the mess

I wish I could complain for the loneliness

But apparently it’s my own problem

There’s no place for idealism anymore

Just an idle position an idle nothingness

Again, and again, and again

That I have to once again talk to myself

Through my writings, my words

The deep sadness that I feel

The sorrow that never seems to go

That utter need to just get out

Get some fresh air

But the air doesn’t seem to flow into my lungs

As hard as I might try to inhale

There’s nothing coming in

Every breath that I take

Brings a new burden into my soul

I can’t even walk right anymore

I can only crawl

To the mess of people dancing out there

With the mess that I am inside

I wish the songs won’t be so short

I wish the beats won’t last too soon

Even if my heart was beating along

I wish that it would just stop somewhen

Because it’s enough now

I’ve had enough now

With the loneliness

Now it all seems like there’s no light anymore

Even the sun has its resting time after its shine

Why can’t a tired human get the same rest too?

When the moon approaches in

And the world becomes darker

And the heat changes into the cold

Why can’t the mess in my head just go?

When the people are jumping in concerts

When the people are screaming, laughing

Why can’t my body get its relief?

Does this only happen to me?

Or does this also affect those like me?

A mess after another mess

What is the beauty of things now?

If you look at it through my eyes

Through these weary eyes I have

In this weary head of mine

Why does this feel all so heavy?

The more I see myself the more mess I find

I’m an empty cup, abandoned in parties

I’ve been used, I was useful

But it’s hard to find my next purpose

I was such a dreamer

I thought I knew what I wanted

But, what was it again?

I’m far too deep in despair

In the woods I never wanted to go in

There’s no going back
Maybe there is

But I have no energy to do it all again

Your presence, my love

Is such a worthy thing

Help yourself if you want to help me

Somebody was patient enough for me

She went through the same shit

Until she couldn’t anymore

So she stopped, she broke me

Now I have you

But you behave like how I did when I had her

Shall I also stop loving you?

And leave you like she did to me?

What good does it bring me?

I can’t always recharge myself twice as long

Just to recharge you

And I can’t always think of an end of us

We’re just getting started, right?

Or is it so far already?

It’s not that I don’t love you anymore

I just want to love myself more for now

Your presence means a lot to me

But it drains me out way too easily

With your pain and your complaints

Love, I wish I could take all your pain

Let me suffer alone in silence

Rather than hearing you rant about yours all night long

It tires me out too, I’m still a human

A human that sits beside you crying inside

Begging to the universe to heal you

But what can she do?

Being there for you isn’t enough for you

Loving you with my way isn’t good for you

So what am I going to do?

Let us both suffer together?

After all, I prefer this night

Alone, outside, with no stars

I wish this period when people go out

To enjoy each other would stop soon

It hurts me that I can’t be like them

It hurts me that I’m stuck with you and your pain

Without me strong enough to help you

Not even strong enough to help myself

So what do you wanna do?

We can’t take care of each other anymore

It hurts me enough and I hope you know

That even when the stars aren’t there to see

They’re still there behind the clouds covering them

Like my love to you

Even if you won’t see me anymore

I hope you can still see it behind the clouds of your pain

Because I care a lot about you

I really really do

But just like the stars

I can only be there to look down on you

And maybe you’ll realize that

I’m always gonna be there for you

Remember me, my love

That’s all I can do for you

Be the accessories of your nights

In your dreams and all your hopes

To heal your pain with my never ending affection

Sorry I can’t offer you perfection

I’m just a mess in the middle of your oblivion