I Don't Have The Strength To Live

 

Do I have the strength

To survive in this world

To be good, to be alive

And make people want to live

Do I have the strength

To stay here 

Where I’m probably supposed to be

To do what though? What’s important?

Do I have the strength

To find what I want

To fight for what I need

And to gain more strength

Am I strong enough for everything above

What’s above the ground above the sky

Above the water and what’s under

Am I strong enough against the wind

Because I once felt like I found it

Then I suddenly seem to have lost it

That confidence that purpose

Where is it now when I need it

What do I wait for in life

Is it to just die or to live

Or to see beautiful girls

And to just ruin my feelings

What is it that I’m looking forward to

Doing good deeds

Or being the ultimate devil

Which polar am I attracted to

Seriously I am tired

Being on the ocean with the tides

Bringing me here and there

But never seem to get to the shore

I am tired to be in the water

To seek for help when I’m drowning

But then become disbelieving

Doubting about the life after

Yes, there’s heaven up there

I’ve just never seen it

Maybe I don’t belong in it

So what’s the difference

Die now or later

I’m still a hell dweller

Thinking that life’s gonna get better

I’m ending up climbing a ladder 

To the sky as if I can ever touch the end of it

But I’m still doing it for the hell of it

What do I even wanna reach

What am I doing on the beach

My favorite place’s been destroyed

There’s no fun in anything for God’s sake

I wonder why people still tell me otherwise 

Let’s be mature, let’s be wise

I’m trying here, I’m trying

To be good here, to be good

As if anyone wants to care, so rare

What is it to live again if you dare

To take that chance again to shine

To be on your path again once and for all

Which path though, which one

Why can’t I see where my plane’s gonna land

Out in the sea looking for some land

Out in the jungle looking for some desert

Out in the cold looking for the sun

Out in the world looking for some sanity

I haven’t found one

Nor the answer to life nor the strength to live

But I’m always out here looking

And for now that’s why I’m living