What Happened?

 

Just like my soul finding peace in Traprun songs

Life makes me miserable at the best of my times

What has a human-being done to deserve this?

Constant pain at heart and in the ass

Constant bad feelings, constant struggles

Nothing feels good anymore

Literally nothing

Meeting anyone feels like a cue for anger

Even your parents

Or the best girl you’ve ever met

Or your best guy friend

What is so wrong in me?

Why can’t I enjoy things anymore?

Did I already exhaust way too much at age 20?

A burnout after a burnout

Depressive episodes

Manic episodes

I feel like I’m juggling glass bottles

Life may seem like it’s working out well

But what I really feel is just straight stress

Fear, anxiety, afraid I’ll drop one of my bottle

Which would make my other bottles shatter 

Since when am I like this?

I’m asking myself that question all the damn time

What happened?

Good question.

I don’t fucking know.

If only I could answer that one big question…

Well, actually,

Many things

Many things happened

Some you already know

Some you don’t know yet

Or I don’t know yet

But still bothering

What’s all these anxieties?

Being afraid of a tree falling on my head

When there’s basically no wind no hurricane

Being afraid of people throwing shits at me

When there’s nobody around

The fear of getting hit by a thunder

When it’s not even raining

What’s all these bad thoughts?

I don’t know, good anticipation?

Well then, good job,

I have too many of such kind.

Take some out of me

Free me

Set me free

Let me feel that freedom

Out of my own head

Let that wind in

Brush away all those cursed thoughts

And never ask me

“What happened?“

Shits, that’s what happened