Spooky Hollow

 

I was alone walking in the woods

The sun is gone

So is the snow

It’s wet and gray

And my head‘s turning

There’s not much that I can see

But this spooky hollow under the trees

The leaves reach out to one another

Creating a canopy over me

That I didn’t even know it was raining

That I didn’t know if it rained from the sky

Or whether it was from my eyes

But my legs were heavy

And my body was weak

And I don’t know who’s sad

But I guess it was me

But I don’t know why I’m sad

Because I thought I was happy

For a millisecond

But it hits me again

The gray of the world I’m seeing

Matching the gray outfit I’m wearing

That I wish I could just disappear

Or blend into the gray of this spooky hollow

That nobody can see me aching

That nobody can feel scared of me

Or worried, or sad, because of me

I got so weak every each day

I got no appetite from anything I used to love eating

I got nothing in me I’m proud of

I got nothing to lose

But at the very least,

This spooky hollow feels warm to me

Like the cold doesn’t even get to me anymore

Like the earth is getting even warmer

And the sky getting even sadder

And I remain the saddest of all that’s happening

I’m not even able to see those I love

Because I don’t feel like I deserve what they give me

Because it has to come from me

To love and to feel that I deserve that love

Which I currently am unable to feel

Because I’m constantly dizzy

And I feel like I’m losing me slowly

And as much as I hate to say this

It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way

And probably isn’t gonna be the last

And I have so much to fight in me

That I run out of energy

To fight for other things outside of me

It’s crazy how the situation turns around on me

I thought I was well again

I thought I finally could breathe

But maybe it just isn’t for me

Maybe I was doomed to be in the shadow of life

Maybe I never deserved to feel alive

Or maybe this is how I feel alive

Maybe it’s what living feels to me

Maybe I just have to get used to it

Maybe I’m just tired, and that’s about it

But maybe tomorrow the spooky hollow will be gone

Maybe the air clears up again 

Maybe I can finally breathe again

But for now, it is what it is to me

Just a gray somebody in the gray under the trees

Fighting in silence